glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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