Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
