Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
