Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I deserve this hangover.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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