I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
