so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
