I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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