were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
