dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
