worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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