I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
this just has baby written all over it
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
