fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
