Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
