Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
