I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
