I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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