He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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