i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
