I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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