If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
