Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
