those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
