I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
