Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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