Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
