When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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