Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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