Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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