I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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