Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
