The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
