everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
