come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
