Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
