so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
