I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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