found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
