sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
