Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
