the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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