In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
only you would photoshop your dick
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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