turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
