Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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