Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
