I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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