Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
