your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
