At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
