So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
