i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
