Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
